My World

my heart my brain my feeling , they're numb . I feel nothing . what I can do is just introspecting myself . am I really doing bad ?. I've never think he can did and said something like that to me . I can't . I can't believe it . I was shocked . really shock *sigh
this morning . I woke up quite late . almost 10 a.m .. I'm afraid to face my own life . I'm coward . I know .. everyone asked me 'what's going on with you ?' 'what happened' . and I answered ' it was just a nightmare !' ' I have a really bad dream ' .. ya stupid answer . HAHA . wtv . I don't care ..
I felt like I really don't wanna open any online stuffs after reading those tweets . why that have to be the way to make me jealous ?. tweeting another girl(s) I don't like . am I ego ?. but think !. if I do that thing to another boy . he must be so mad . but why he didn't think about this too ??.
I'm not a patient , aggressive or perfect girl . I'm not as smart as them . I'm not as pretty as another girls he loved . I'm not as good as what he wants . and those are why I need him . need him to make me comfort . to make me feel that I'm perfect . but what I feel now is : I'm stupid . I'm not pretty at all . I'm bad , never be good enough for him .. I think so hard last night .. what I did ??. why he accused me on everything ? he pointed me . and he was so rude . argh . he made me afraid . huh . stop discussing about that .
I decided to smile and laugh every time . WHY ? bcs I don't want anyone knows my stupid life . my misery life . if I act sad everyday , that must be so YUCK ! I laugh to hide everything . and it works . everyone says that my life is the most interesting life ever !. what ? HELLO ??. I'm happy to hear that one actually .
honestly I need to share my stupid sad stories to him . share my sadness and anything else . but seems like . IMPOSSIBLE . he won't understand :'(

enough for complaining my life . my powerlessness .
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE !